Janet's Blog

May Victoria Day Weekend

2011-05-22T23:45:00.002-04:00

Have a couple of days off and am learning to relax a bit. Still on a winning streak. Just a little bit of a downturn but that will pass. :)

Keep Adjusting :)

2011-03-10T09:51:00.001-05:00

LOL :) I want to keep this blog going so I am posting just for the sake of posting. Things are going well. I guess. :) Just added my nephews' pictures to FB. Getting over a cold and working.

Making it through the Winter

2011-02-22T12:51:00.002-05:00

As per my last post, I moved and have worked at Sears, lived at Loggers Run and have done my best to stay alive and keep going. It sometimes seems like no matter how hard you work, or how long you work, or how much you do you get pushed backwards again. However, I am in better shape than I was. Physically, financially and mentally. It would be nice to be able to reach a goal. I did manage to work without a day off, not get sick, get through the winter. I had hoped to save some money for another place (eventually), even my own place and keep my job and keep giving to my community. In this way everyone gets to have what they need. There is still hope. Hopefully this is just a minor downturn and my ability to pull out of a forced nosedive will be successful.

Moved, again LOL :)

2010-10-01T13:05:00.002-04:00

Hey it's already October (2010). I lived at Mapleton for 6 1/2 months and now moved to Loggers Run. Hopefully for the winter.
Kathryn/Bev, Lora, and Kyle and Mandy helped me move!
Erica is also helping me to find work.
Onward!
I laughed when I saw this blog page again because, of course Puddy passed away - she had turquoise/green eyes. Now Comet, the roommates' 5 month old kitten has amber eyes and so do some of the cats in my slideshow! It's comforting to have someone like Puddy around. I was trying to adopt Koka but he's gone to another home. (just an FYI for future).
Well, off to do errands, unpack.
It's amazing what you can fit in a large closet! :)

Thank God For Friends

2010-06-17T20:31:00.002-04:00

I await a job offer for not just a job but something I always wanted to try or do. Just talked to a good friend. Heard from another good friend. A friend is also going through tough times and I'm hoping she's ok and worried it will affect me in ways too boring to describe.
In any case, I have an opportunity to make new friends, help people and live my life finally.

One Enchanted Evening

2010-04-28T13:32:00.002-04:00

On Monday (April 26th, 2010) I volunteered at Theatre By The Bay. I got to usher Left Pod at the Griffin Theatre.
They had The Jersey Boys and some other talented singers. Colm Wilkinson (I hope I spelt it right) was the headliner from Les Mis, Phantom. I was so busy ushering I didn't realize until he began to sing that I was actually going to finally get to hear and see one of my favourite songs live!
He sang "Music of the Night" and tears rolled down my cheeks. He also sang One Enchanted Evening, Halleluha (Leonard Cohen), and a Country Song.
I had to leave before the last bus left and it was cold, the wind was strong. So, I made it home to Wendy's and I felt good.
There were so many other things. The show was full of surprises, there was a young disabled woman just smiling away and I enjoyed watching her enjoy the music.
When I was in New York I was excited that Phantom was coming to Toronto. When it arrived it was so big I just didn't go, prob couldn't afford it either. I knew of people that saw it 3 times! LOL But, I finally got to see one song live! And I couldn't be happier.
So, I got to go out for a night, a free concert, magical, around people, dashing home after like Cinderella. And yet, I live with a Cinderella too. Wendy and I get along great and I want to work to be able to afford for us both to go out more, to restaurants, to shows, to have a life.
I thought of Allan most of the night, we had recently parted ways, and of course I thought of Lorne. I love them both so much and yet again not able to be together.
Was it someone, or one of them, or family trying to make up for lost time? That's how it felt, like I was given something I missed due to sacrifice.
Anyway, thank you Colm Wilkinson for that. Funny, the first shelter was Wilkie/Wilkinson in Brampton, a nightmare of a place. Was it one of the young men that died? Was is the older man trying to work and sober up, do I have a secret love, did I make a difference in someone's life?
There is a God. And Love.

Life Is Good

2010-04-11T20:33:00.001-04:00

Well I moved and very happy with my new home and friends.
I am studying and brushing up on Bookkeeping, Accounting, Electronic Publishing.
Working on my afghan and it should be done very soon. Yeah!
Good weather here and on the way too. Looking forward to the summer of '10.

The Olympic Flame

2009-12-29T19:37:00.001-05:00

I just watched the Olympic Flame come into Barrie and was lit here for the night. Woo Woo!!!!!!!!!!!! I am frozen. People were so happy and it was quite a crowd.

Balance and Living

2009-11-13T16:24:00.002-05:00

Life is a struggle at times and it can feel like there is no hope.
With perseverence and faith I can triumph and then hope resurfaces.
Yesterday I was not ok. Today I am ok.
I just wanted to write that.

Jobs Jobs Jobs

2009-10-29T20:30:00.002-04:00

Geesh! All I do is job hunt. I have no life LOL. But, I figure, I have to get one to have a life. LOL Have an interview tomorrow and just sent another two decent ones. Let's hope.

Pixar - Lifted

2009-06-26T19:55:00.001-04:00

It's long, but sooooooooooooooo good. Congrats Pixar!

My Name is Janet !!!!!!

2009-06-26T18:42:00.003-04:00

That's right, that's my name...don't wear it out! LOL
I'm learning to make my own movies now. (See Below)
My life is in tatters, but I still survive!!!!
Today, I walked to a job and got blown off. LOL What's a person to do?
The only good thing about all of this is that with the time, I've had the chance to put my life together....where I've been, what I've done, and it should lead to where I'm going.
To say..."Hey! I was here!"
I am good at so many things, have many talents and skills.
I am visual and am able to understand complex patterns and problems in order to solve them.
I am loving, caring, gentle.
I have so much to offer.

Second Movie

2009-06-22T20:06:00.001-04:00

I had really great music, but can't get the Audioswap to work as yet. :(

My First Movie

2009-06-21T18:18:00.001-04:00

I can only get better!

Michigan J. Frog

2009-06-21T14:33:00.001-04:00

Always makes me laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009 06 21 65492

2009-06-21T14:22:00.001-04:00

It's Kiddie or Kitty!

2009 06 21 49885

2009-06-21T10:06:00.001-04:00

2009-06-20T20:32:00.002-04:00

Do I have this job or not? It's the weekend, and it drives me crazy LOL. I want to do something fun. I'm tired of job hunting. It's boring and the pay sucks. :)

I had to tell some people straight yesterday and today. I've been going through too much and I feel like I can't take it any more. Kiddie is being caring, she needs someone too.

Saving Jane singing "Supergirl" Funfest 2008

2009-06-09T13:20:00.001-04:00

I"m Supergirl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost June

2009-05-30T15:47:00.002-04:00

Well, have had a lot of jobs to apply to and still awaitin'. It's tiring, just waiting. A friend here just lost their mother after being in the hospital. Today is the funeral, so we are all pretty somber. Kitty or Kiddie is still a good friend.

It just drives me nuts that I can't just get work, go to work and earn some money so I can live calmly and even enjoy life a little. One good thing is that Allan has visited a few times. A good friend. I'm happy things are working out for him, his new job, family, etc.

Pretty well down to the bare bones here. Scraping each day to keep going. I'll be ok. Some employer will call. There are a couple of good ones too. I already know it works that way, one day it can be terrible and the next suddenly there is something to do, hope, a future. Come on people! I'm a good worker. LOL

Susan Boyle - Singer - Britains Got Talent 2009 (With Lyrics)

2009-04-17T18:36:00.001-04:00

Beautiful

What to do, What to do

2009-04-14T19:50:00.002-04:00

Not doing too well.
No jobs.
No money.
Feeling pretty sad.
I don't have any answers or know what to do about it.
That's about it really.

Hey Cool!

2009-03-30T15:10:00.002-04:00

I just realized I learned to link a video from YouTube to my Blog and embedded my nephew's hockey stats!! Cool!

Allan called today. :) Calling again later. Was hoping for a call for an interview or job. Got an e-mail - REJECTION. LOL What else is new? I have a good shot at this next job. It's just always hard around the end of month because the pressure is so high.

I suppose I need to relax about that. I mean, I've made such good progress, settling in, getting active, adjusted, relaxed. Maybe I expect too much of myself. Once work comes and income with it, I won't have too much to worry about.

What I do have are friends, a love, a pet, access to computer (on-line), a room I like, pretty and useful things, good weather coming, good health overall. Could be worse.

Des'ree - Life

2009-03-28T12:41:00.001-04:00

Spring!!!!

2009-03-20T10:49:00.003-04:00

The world awaits. I embrace my own power. I am empowered once again. I wrote that in an earlier post and just liked it :)

Well, it's finally getting like Spring! Things are looking up. Job on the way, Kiddy, Ben, Jeff, Paul are all friends. I love Allan! LOL Mmmmmm.

Started making jewellry - beads, etc. - and they came out quite nice. Put on my work duds today to feel a little more ready to go. Have an interview and have sent out a lot of other resumes. I'm keeping my home.

Just added this blog to my Youtube Account but I don't see any listing there. Hmmm.

Life isn't so bad

2009-02-13T10:54:00.002-05:00

Getting there....I have a home, support of friends. Have lots of resumes out there. Have someone to love and care about :)

Spring is just around the corner. Have some money on the way. Feeling better about myself, have gained a bit of weight. Have momentum. Keep going. And, relax! :)

Space and Ballet

2009-02-04T22:44:00.002-05:00

I was given the opportunity to experience weightlessness. When I dance ballet I am free. I grew up with images of space exploration, my father in his short-sleeved white shirts and ties, my brothers collecting NASA stamps. The waltz of 2001-ASO is a ballet in the sky. I am surrounded with this, like a dance, dreams of being an astronaut, dancing, math and science. To fly. To see the Earth from heaven, the peace and the joy. One Earth. As in "Contact" as the camera moves further and further into space, into the past. I want to share this with Allan. I want to take you all there - into weightlessness, Zero G, the peace and the heaven, the quiet and calm of space. What gifts I have received. In return I sacrificed, as Ken Mattingly (Jim taught me that), and with the promise that with such sacrifice come later glories. I was given another gift of Puddy. And now, for the pain of loss, more gifts to help me through. I must have faith.

The time of growing up with my family, the family home is coming to a close. I am equally pushed away and pull away. I grieve in preparation for what no one can prepare for. Total recall of all events, fighting to prove my past, prove what I am, what I can be. Struggling to find a place in the present. I have a home now, friends. I need a living, a sustainable living to move forward, to deal with old issues, to live another 40-some years.

Decisions are made by all, on both sides of the plane and perhaps in others. This battle has been difficult for all involved. Thank you for my companions. To be able to meet with others, learn from each other, be assisted from the other side. What is this new era we are entering? Let Allan know I love him. I am here for you.

WOW

2009-01-16T15:12:00.002-05:00

Hey Wow,
I just read my last post - I was really "on" that day...laugh.
since then, I had to leave my friend Gail...Hope she's ok.
Got a new place, have had to "breakdown" emotionally in order to survive.
Have a room, comfy cosy. Have a couple of job offers. Have to "calm" myself, try to relax and just know this will work out.
I think I have the support I need now, and will be able to live now.
Janet :)

Archaeology and Anthropology

2008-12-08T10:26:00.002-05:00

My name is Janet Matthias. Archaeology has always been a passion of mine. Since childhood I read National Geographic. At high school, we were fortunate to have a class in Archaeology and I took to it like nothing else. As life progressed, I studied, read, learned and dreamed of becoming an Archaeologist. At 23, I intended to go to Trent University to do this. I got sidetracked.

One of the best books was one called "The Practical Archaeologist". In it is outlined the fact that opposed to the layman's view of Archaeology being about "gold digging", it is actually the pursuit of information, solving the puzzle of who we are. I used to explain to people that a true Archaeologist knows that if they found a "golden idol" and a slip of paper, papyrus that proved some fact (like what people ate, what they knew, believed) the most valuable piece is the information opposed to gold. Yes, you could learn from inscriptions on the piece, or what it represents. But, it is only worth putting in a museum to raise funds and share with the public.

In my life, I may have been diverted, and did a lot of good, but I used the skill of the Archaeologist to unearth my own secrets, my life, and to learn not only who we are as a people or were, but who I am. Therefore, I am a successful Archaeologist and Anthropologist.

I am also a clairvoyant. I have used these abilities for good. Perhaps my life is about learning, putting the "big picture" together, the big puzzle. We are all part of this puzzle, the missing pieces give us things to do, more to learn on our journey.

My abilities, "powers" come from somewhere else - a place I discovered in a near death (well I was dead) experience. The door has been left open. In my previous lives, I had these gifts or curses - depending on how you look at it. There is more to this world than people realize. We are all together, we are all on this journey together.

I have a friend Gail that has saved my life, a man I love, Allan, a loving memory of my best friend Puddy, Puds, a family (though troublesome at times) that love me and I love them. I am part of this world, part of the other world. I can still live, love and laugh.

It is time to profess these things. To see my own worth and value. What others think does not matter. I am grateful to all of my teachers. As a clairvoyant I met others that guided me, I was taught about sociology, psychology, politics, literature, art, science, mathematics, music, sex, day-to-day life skills, communications, business, education, history, geology, geography, ecology, religions, technology, medicine, space, physics, quantum physics, abstract math, crafts. I am reconnected with my body (separated no more) and enjoy yoga, dance, tai chi, breathing, smiling, laughing, crying, speaking, blood flow. The knowledge of the power of the mind - witnessing and processing healings, changes, alterations to things people think are not possible. It is possible, it is.

I am what I am - as Popeye would say. And all the attempts to change this have failed. I love. We are love. This plane of existence is not the only one. We are eternal. We all know each other.

So, at this juncture, I am being "given it all back", my memories, my life. No more denying to fit in, no more bullies forcing their beliefs on me.

The world awaits. I embrace my own power. I am empowered once again.

Christmas in Barrie

2008-12-06T18:08:00.002-05:00

Hey all,
I'm currently THANKFULLY staying with a friend - out of the cold - alive, healing. We are working on being focused on abundance. I'm enjoying the company, trying to come out of the stunnedness. To everyone who journeyed with me this summer may you be equally safe, have a great future and know I love you all.
Tonight, my friend is out at a Christmas Party at my old work, at the army base I once stayed at. I am enjoying Oreo's company and continuing on my healing journey.
I still love. There is hope. There is abundance. There will be (too many to mention).
Janet

Ya

2008-11-26T20:21:00.000-05:00

Holy cats,

I guess I have to laugh - what else can I do?
I'm alive. Laugh. Nuf said.
Actually, it snowed heavy today. I cleared the steps a couple of times. Not heavy.
Have resumes out. I'm opening up to people and I still have friends.
And, I have a communication device - not making that mistake again.

Love to whoever, Janet :)

I Hate Feeling Like Every Post is the Last

2008-11-17T18:52:00.002-05:00

I rarely get any "me" time on a puter so I don't blog or Youtube much.

I've been very honest with myself lately and now here. I'm not doing to well. Have a broken tooth, with the accompaniment of pain which is depleting my strength and sending my health into a death spiral of sorts. I am saddened over some more losses - a love, a job I loved and now my life is threatened again to "pull it together or die". I don't have much left. By the time I got from one place to another back in August, I was on my last legs. Can't say I didn't get support or do my best, yet this is the result. I feel like a toy being crushed, squeezed and tortured to death in the jaws of hell. Think I'm kidding? Laugh, I've had my body literally torn apart, I've died at least once and was resussitated, came close several times and had to fight to survive to the point exhaustion. It's always "do or die". I'm actually just tired, can barely hold off defeat. I have given myself a few days to physically rest, but it hasn't helped much.
Never any love, just some hope now and again, brief glimpses.
I'm getting a sense that all anyone cares about is profit. I hope I get through don't know where to start even you work up some momentum, meet people, support them and receive some, only for it to become closed off, isolated and then wham! all is lost Hope just hope I laughed a bit last night and today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time

Barrie

2008-11-11T16:10:00.003-05:00

Still in Barrie. Just finished my Reception position at Napoleon Appliances.
Still in love with Allen. I see the connection, but I just like him.
Feeling a little sad, but have to keep going. I hope he's ok.

Just Keeping Blog Active

2008-09-03T10:10:00.002-04:00

Oh great! I just needed to look up the shelter number for a place and my Blog showed up in a google search!
It never has before - wonderful, now anyone looking up the shelter sees my blog. And, I checked this. Laugh. Ok fine, I have to process this one and possibly start deleting things. Ugh.
Just laugh Janet Just laugh. :)

I'm in love with Al

2008-08-14T10:57:00.001-04:00

(Added after google search fiasco - lies all lies) Laugh

BiinBaan

2008-08-02T10:57:00.003-04:00

I made to BiinBaan last night - a shelter in Barrie (Aug 1st), now 2nd.
Just finished my two weeks at G & K Services. They were nice to me. So, I have some money, not enough for a place.
I've met Kevin and Cheryl, Sarah and some of the people staying there.
It's a holiday weekend. So, I have to settle in, get to Ontario Works, see places, on Monday. Find more work. I get paid again next Friday. So, I'll have about $700 to work with.
I should be proud of myself and hold my head high. Life could be worse.
I still like it here in Barrie. The waterfront, the boats. I feel like I'm on a spiritual journey, walking the wheel. Healing from my injuries and pain.
Thank God there are people. Puds is resting peacefully in my locker.
I will still keep my word to carry her ashes. I honour and love her.

Besides Adonis, the black and white cat (male 3 yrs), there is another cat at Elizabeth Fry that showed up. Mostly white, with bits of light reddish-brown and probably about the same age (male). I hope to find a home for him too. We'll see.

Rise from the ashes.

Making it in Barrie

2008-08-01T13:48:00.003-04:00

It's Friday, just finishing up the two week assignment at G&K Services - covering Nathalie Marchildon's position (service co-ordinator), working with Greg Craffigan, Gary Elkins and Delroy Brown. It's been good.

Elizabeth Fry has kept me on until today and now I have to move to another shelter (BiinBaan) at 38 Toronto Street. I'm worried but I'll be ok. Have to pick up my cheque from Spherion, get it to the bank, and finish packing my stuff tonight after work.

I hope to write again. Love to all and Puds. Janet Matthias

To remind myself - Janet Lampman has my other things and I will be storing more at Efry.

Working In Barrie

2008-07-20T14:13:00.002-04:00

Have work for the next two weeks at G&K Services, a uniform company. Thanks Gloria!
Hopefully I can stay on at the house for a while until I get funding or pay behind me.

Alive and Well in Barrie!

2008-07-17T19:38:00.002-04:00

I now live in Barrie at a shelter and am looking for my own place. I have work next week and things are looking better. Had a great seminar today on Self-Esteem with Dar (Darlene) and Maike, run by Tracy.

The water here is beautiful. I love going to look at the Bay (Kempenfelt Bay) and look at the Spirit Catcher. I know Puds is thinking of me and I think and love her all the time. I think of Lorne and Sophie. Soon things will be better. I have gained a little weight, feel stronger and healthier. The Staff is great and most of the women are supportive. I have helped and supported several of them.

It feels good to have some time to sit here in the beautiful Library to enjoy being on the Net again, relaxed. I love walking over here. The city is growing. It's my new home.

Second week in Barrie

2008-06-25T09:17:00.004-04:00

Ok, so I've looked for work, looked for work, looked for work.
Yesterday I walked a long way...got an interview!
So, we'll see.
The agency is setting me up for one on Friday with and Inside Sales Job. Whatever that is.

Just got an e-mail from Mark McKale, this really cool Graphic Designer. Might have just made a friend! Yeah.

George Carlin died on Sunday. That's a big one. He was our first host on SNL. He liked to play with words and told it like it is.

Week One in Barrie

2008-06-19T10:57:00.002-04:00

Ok, got some rest, back in a reg. schedule. Cut way back on smoking and coffee. Since Monday I put out a pile of resumes and today have an intro one with an agency.

I have moved

2008-06-14T10:31:00.002-04:00

Thanks to a friend, I find myself now in Barrie. For the last few days, I have been resting and getting myself back to a place where I once was out of my shell and physically at my prime.

They too have their hands full with family things and perhaps there are reasons I'm here for them too.

The youngest child has a similar injury to something I went through.

A Year Since Her Death

2008-05-20T16:37:00.003-04:00

It has been a year (May 21, 2007) since Puddy's death - one that hit hard and I was not prepared for.
I am 42 years old. People think I have regrets but I don't. All the choices I made were to help humanity and I have sacrificed. If I had not chosen to save lives and only thought of myself I would have what people consider to be a great life, yet I know what a great life really is. It is knowing you did your best.
My name is Janet and I am a clairvoyant. I have used this ability to shape and form a world we live in, a better one than we faced. People fight this, of course, only seeing what's in it for them.
I was given a gift of time with someone I loved and I will cherish it even though it has passed.
My future is wide open now. There are children that may wish to seek me out, people that want me in their world.
There have been Beatles and dancing, learning to talk, speak, walk, raised by the world and protection from harm. There have been lovers and mentors and parents and children and pets.

2008-04-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

Lorne, Puddy and Sophie
You are my inspiration.
I love you.

Printarama :)

2008-03-24T20:43:00.000-04:00

Things are still tough and I'm tired, wondering how I'll keep going, but I will.

First day went well. Learning to work all the machines and even got to play on CorelDraw. Have a disc to review just to update me on some of the latest tools.

Love to all.

I got a job!!!!

2008-03-23T13:20:00.000-04:00

Yea!

Finally!! I start tomorrow.

Wow Things Have Been Rough

2008-03-19T20:21:00.000-04:00

Holy cow! The last few weeks I had to pull it all out, got some help for food and kept working on my body and health.
Had a few calls for good jobs and got let down, then one I wanted called.
Interview went well.

Saved by the Bell

2008-02-04T16:10:00.000-05:00

Ok, gotta keep up my own post.

Things were looking very bleak, but I got a reprieve today.

Still job hunting and going.

It's about time I posted again

2008-01-17T15:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've dealt with a whole pile of pain, am on anti-biotics for an infected tooth, but I'm still going to the gym and working out, putting out resumes and applied to a job I need and want.

Not much else to say, just getting there.

Christmas is done and a New Year is Coming! Yeah 2008!!!

2007-12-26T18:24:00.000-05:00

Took it easy over Christmas. It has been rough without Puddykins.

The person I rent a room from is going on vacation for 3 weeks and I hope to get myself back in shape, eating well, on a better schedule and working.

If I don't do a post...Happy New Year!!!!

Happy Holidays

2007-12-24T00:09:00.001-05:00

Happy Holidays Puddy. Love Janet, Always

Felt bad, Now feel LIKE DANCING!!

2007-11-08T20:16:00.000-05:00

Got a response from Paul and got a great vid from surfcottage - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing!

Feeling better!

Keeping It Up

2007-11-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

Hi There!

I know, I know, I haven't been keeping up the blog.

That's because I'm working and living and not really taking the time to sit at the computer and write.

I think of Puddy often. Tears, sadness. What can you do?

Work is good. I just got through my 3 month probation and got another little raise. Have to start saving money better. I'm in much better shape and things will get better.

It's Been A While

2007-10-25T08:24:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's been awhile. Have been focusing on work and getting through.

I have Bailey the poodle puppy (Werner's dog) with me today again. She has visited three times before and is helping with my sadness over Puddy.

The time change is this weekend and I am sooooooo looking forward to getting my extra hour.

Work is going ok. Haven't been interested in cooking much lately. Just tired and adjusting to being older. Laugh.

Paul has written a couple of times.

I need to find some things to do.

Janet

Thanksgiving

2007-10-08T09:40:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's Thanksgiving and I baked a pie (frozen) yesterday - pumpkin....yum.
Enjoying a little solitude today. A day off work. My roommate is at work until noonish.

Getting through the change of weather, time change coming up.

Just for info, for myself mostly, this was the second month I managed to pay the rent and feel much better about it. I bought a bedspread that I love. Still mourning Puddy. Been worse than usual lately.

Will be alright.

Just noticed...it says below that I posted this at 6:40 a.m. YEAH SURE It's 9:44 a.m. So, where are these three hours.. what time zone is this?!?! Laugh

Weekend

2007-09-30T11:45:00.000-04:00

Just taking it easy after a week of feeling rundown.

Watched the season opener of Saturday Night Live last night. It was ok. I think I spotted Sophie, Lorne's daughter in a pumpkin sketch and Lorne did a backstage pretape with the host Lebron James (basketball player Cavaliers). It seemed like a tall vs. short set-up.

I wasn't sure whether to watch it. I have been grieving Puds. Thinking about my days at Saturday Night Live and wondering where I fit in, if at all. I feel good having my own money, being able to buy what I need and continue to rebuild. Sometimes it still feels overwhelming, but I'm not going to push myself too hard.

Paul wrote back. I was happy to hear from him. School is going well and he's having fun.

I seem more concerned about getting myself prepared for the cold weather, getting things I need (feeling normal) and finding things to do so I don't get to feel cooped up or trapped here. Going to go for a walk, feed the birds a half bag of food I have left, get some sun (Vit D) and fresh air. A slight gum infection has been bothering me, but I think I have it beat.

Just have to keep busy.....plan....consider....save some money...stay organized...keep working and I'll be alright.

Just Checking In

2007-09-27T14:35:00.000-04:00

Not much happening. Not felt well for a few days.
Just getting through work and survivin.

Going Well

2007-09-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

Hello,

Finished another week of work. Feeling grief and went shopping yesterday. Got a couple of beautiful sweaters, a music box that plays "If I were a Rich Man" - a musical I've loved since a child - and has some details about treasured memories, some decor items to make my room feel more like a home.

I found on the Net that on Oct. 30, A&E are releasing Saturday Night Live Biography. Looking forward to that and have a pict on my wall of the artwork.

Work is ok, on track. I need to concentrate on balancing the rest of my time - my diet, my sleep, meditation, exercise.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2007-09-18T18:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, so today was weird. Soph had a car accident. Fortunately not serious and no one was hurt.
The fridge leaked water all over the place and the toilet overflowed. I was on mop duty.
Funny thing is, I brought my pom and tangerine fruitopia today instead of water.

Learning a lot at work. We will be changing over to Sage Business Vision soon. Someone mentionned that software to me years ago, but I can't remember who.

The owner/pres had me mail out an interesting letter today. I still think I know these people from somewhere.

Watched the Emmy's on Sunday night and have seen picts of Lorne. He looks very pleased with their Conan and 30 Rock wins. Bizarre...live.com has his house...yes his house on satellite for all to see. Feel bad, that is the down side of fame, no privacy.

Concentrating on my health. Bought coral calcium with magnesium and Vit D for the winter. Focusing no relaxing, breathing, being balanced. Have had some "psychic" flashes - linked to Brent. Think of Puds when I can and have to get myself to have a life outside of work - the balance.

What a Busy Week!

2007-09-14T12:18:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been busy this week. Getting up to speed at work.
Gorgeous weather, although this weekend they are calling for colder temps.
Got some new clothes. A nice shirt with a butterfly insignia (striped) and some fleece vests. Still working on the sweater collection. At least it's a cheap yet useful hobby.
I have gained some weight (good) and feel like I'm stronger physically (another good sign).

Paul E-mailed!

2007-09-09T20:07:00.000-04:00

Yeah!! Got an e-mail from Paul today, replied and he e-mailed again.
Sounds like school is disorganized at his end.
He said me YouTube page was AWESOME and I obviously had too much time on my hands. Laugh :)
I have a cool friend.

Another Week, Another Weekend

2007-09-07T20:29:00.001-04:00

The short week is over. Doing OK. Prob just allergy season, soon be over.
Have to find things to do so I don't get bored.

Another Good Day :)

2007-09-06T20:38:00.000-04:00

I Just noticed this in the News:

SNL Music available at Target - CD Elements include:
1. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
2. Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
3. Foo Fighters - Best Of You
4. Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor
5. P!nk - Trouble
6. Nausea - Beck
7. Dave Matthews - Save Me
8. The Shins - Phantom Limb
9. The Strokes - You Only Live Once
10. Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe
11. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out

Mid Week Already

2007-09-05T18:50:00.000-04:00

Things are going well. Getting to work on time, even woke up an hour early today.

My computer was upgraded and so I'm fiddling with that and learning.

Lorne has some speaking engagement with Michael P. of MP tonight.

Paul's Off to University

2007-09-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

The end of the long weekend. Had a good rest. Enjoyed a sub.
Said bye to Paul the lifeguard. Hopefully, he'll e-mail.
Just checking in and getting ready for work.

The Long Weekend

2007-09-02T10:57:00.000-04:00

It's the Labour Day Weekend.

Yesterday, I talked with Paul (Keyes?) the lifeguard. He's leaving after Monday to go to University. Met his dog and Mom momentarily. Then I went clothes shopping and got some Bugle Boy jeans, a top, a brown skirt I wanted and a great sports bag for carrying my stuff to work and back. All for $28 and change. Woo Woo.

Did a laundry load for the bed, which was hard because I had put it off with Puds dying. (Didn't want to erase her presence) Part of the grieving process I guess. Today I'm doing two loads (in now) of clothes so I'll be set for the week. I feel the freedom of having my own money/resources again and keep feeling the message of "pay yourself first".

Just thinking about a few things

2007-08-29T18:34:00.000-04:00

Compared to a few months ago, my situation has improved. I'm not homeless, I have a job, I have an income, I can plan and hope again.

I have managed to gain a little weight and feel a bit better. There is a sense of hope and freedom due to the money coming in. I miss Puddy and cry almost every day. I'm still undecided about the SNL situation - whether to watch the show or just accept what has been.

It is too early yet...but I have been thinking of how to approach repairing some of the damage and balancing that with finally giving myself some niceties...perhaps a keyboard to play. I should invest in a small/basic computer, maybe a basic tv for my room. It's too soon. For now, food is good, being able to pay rent and buy necessities.

It is coming together.

It was Hot and Muggy

2007-08-29T18:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, today was ok, even got a ride home and arrived at 5:00 p.m.
There was one problem. I guess with the doors closed I got hit by varnish fumes around lunchtime and it left me with vision probs and feeling kindof drunk. I have sensitivities to some chemicals, been ok for years, and I don't want to lose my job over it. So, let's hope it was just a bad combo day.

I have been concerned about Owen Wilson and his "suic. attempt". He's a real sweetie and was kind to me. Hope you are well Owen and things get better.

It's Tuesday

2007-08-28T12:06:00.000-04:00

Hello, Hello

At work. Was just playing with my Janet-Puddy Avatar.
Stomach a bit off but I'll live. Note to self: Take your lactose pill.

Lazy, quiet weekend

2007-08-26T15:43:00.000-04:00

Has a nice talk with Paul yesterday. Haven't done much else.
Just taking it easy and prepping for the work week.

Friday - What a Gorgeous Day!

2007-08-24T13:21:00.000-04:00

Wow, the weather turned out great - keep calling for rainstorms.

I am looking forward to the weekend.
Next week I go full-time. I like the people here.
I am starting to plan things to do - take yoga classes, what to do with my income.
So, I am feeling almost human again.

A Day Off!

2007-08-23T08:38:00.000-04:00

Ok, I got the option to take today off and I am so glad I did.
Starting work is tiring, lots to learn, and adjusting to schedule.
I've been tired and this is a good thing to catch up on a little me time.

The TADOO list (laugh):

Got rid of the spam in Canada.com account
Looking into YOGA classes on Torbram, $15 a class; joined e-mail list
Ate a DOUBLE WHOPPER - need the fat!
Bought another work top and the 50% off sale is a week on Tuesday (Sept 4th)
Talked with Paul, my bud, mostly about pets. He leaves on Sept. 3rd for University (UT)

I feel great! Stay tuned.

IT'S MY JOB!!!

2007-08-22T14:42:00.000-04:00

I just got hired full-time, Baby!!! Yes!!!

Woo woo!!! Yep, my part-time job is now full-time. Me happy.

Another Week!

2007-08-20T20:14:00.000-04:00

Had work today and asked back tomorrow!

I'm glad. Tomorrow marks the 3 month date of Puddy's death. I don't want to be alone. Last night I had a crying fit and another minor one on the way home tonight. So, at least I have work.

It's great. The people are nice. It's quiet and I noticed today that the phone doesn't ring much - which after years of office work it a GODSEND. The time passes fast and the work is steady without too much rush. I'm also learning a lot about accounting. Before it had been in bits and pieces, but now I am starting to see how it all fits together.

Love to Puds. YYYYYYYYYYYYY

Finished my first full week!

2007-08-17T19:51:00.001-04:00

I made it, in one piece and never late.

That's one full week under my belt.

Man I'm Tired

2007-08-16T22:56:00.001-04:00

Ok, that's four days under my belt and one more to go...even better tomorrow is payday!!!!

I'm at Work!

2007-08-15T13:06:00.000-04:00

Just worked 3 days (inclusive) - checking out my e-mails, etc. from here.
Things going great!

Got asked to come back tomorrow. That's four days in a row plus Friday. Supposed to be a part-time job doing 3 days. I guess they like me. I like them too.

Oh man, found a hair from Puddy today on my black pants...tears. She's with me. I love you Puds.

So Far So Good!

2007-08-13T19:42:00.001-04:00

Things are going well!

Started work last week. Great people. Nice, simple job. No hassles!
Had an ok weekend, just adjusting my schedule.
I worked today (Monday) and the next two days, plus Friday.
Not too shabby.
I still weep at times over Puds, mostly as I'm commuting. It will get easier. She's out of pain, that's what I concentrate on. Her death and others have answered some questions too.
Had a great dinner (made it myself).
Paul, my bud should be back tomorrow after being away 9 days. Went to check on him by the pool but he must still be off.
Later!

Oh, and I am totally in love with the movie "The Illusionist". I've watched it a couple of times and am searching around YouTube.

Day Four

2007-08-08T21:11:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day at work. It went well and I feel MUCH better.

Just noticed the Space Shuttle Endeavor went up today. Hmmm.

Anyway, now I have a day off tomorrow to sort a few things out - without guilt. And, then back to work on Friday. Phew!

Day Three

2007-08-07T11:46:00.000-04:00

I got a job!!!! Finally!!!!

And, on the way there I saw the birthday girl.
Again, Happy 74th.

Day Two

2007-08-06T21:45:00.000-04:00

I called and wished her a happy birthday!

Have an interview tomorrow and looking forward to it.

It was quiet...being a holiday today.

Day One

2007-08-05T22:49:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday - tomorrow to a special person.

Been getting out and swimming with my buddy Paul. Going for walks.

Thinking of the Pudster.

Janet Matthias